Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
