Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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