I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
