did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
