Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
