Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
