well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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