At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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