you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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