Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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