As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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