Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
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