i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
