Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
ugly people sure do ruin things
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
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