i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
