he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
