And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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