Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
