I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I need a burrito and a hug.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
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