honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
