i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
