Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
