i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
