Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
