Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
