the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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