Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
