I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
