Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
we're making bets on your personal life
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize
