so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
