Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
