You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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