So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
