Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
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