Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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