the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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