her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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