Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
