I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Houston, we have a squirter
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
