I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
