i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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