hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
someone owes me an orgasm
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
