Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
