Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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