My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
