you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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