So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
He passed out mid-signature
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I don't deserve a penis
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
