It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
