Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
