He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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