Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
