He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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