She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
