and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Randomize
