i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
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